I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
