I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
