The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
and she was petting her beer can
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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