I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
