I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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