You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
