I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
