Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
