Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize