I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
