Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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