How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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