So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
