Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
