This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
this is an emotional support booty call
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
