I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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