I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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