so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
