Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
