He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Found your dick twin last night
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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