I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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