i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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