those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
