I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
