Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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