Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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