Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
