I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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