and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my shit smells like andre
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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