Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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