i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
