She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
