He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i dont even know how to be here
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
