im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
