why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
