these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
