Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
