I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
