Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
