My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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