Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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