You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
