Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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