Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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