Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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