the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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