we have pet lesbian snakes
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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