I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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