Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
