I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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