you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
