I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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