you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
