God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
