If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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