I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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