Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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