In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
