I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
