Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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