and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
