while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
