I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize