you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
