ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
