i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
