Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he just fucked me for my cheese.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
